It’s like inventing the wheel.
When you find yourself procrastinating on a project (and not on home chores, like when you procrastinate doing the laundry, that doesn’t have a deep existential meaning, does it? Does it? Leave me alone Freud.) 90% of the time it’s because you’re shit scared.
And it’s cool.
Like: right now I’ve procrastinated writing a blog post for hours. I did other useful things, like untangling all my usb cords and checking all my usb drives. I actually did the laundry but I haven’t hung it to dry yet. I cooked lunch and edited my headshot pictures.
I did everything but work on this blog. Because it’s still super scary for me. I’m not an expert writer, I’m not writing in my native language, my proofreader is very busy with his stand-up comedy act and I don’t want to bother him. See, I should really give up.
But responsibility – towards myself, towards my work, towards what I feel is my duty to put my voice out – wins in the end.
Because in the past my life was saved by the words of a girl living on the opposite side of the globe, and even if I don’t aspire to save lives, I really believe that the power of putting something online is for it to be there when someone needs it.
Because maybe my words and thoughts will matter, even if just for one person.
And even if they don’t, if they get lost in the infinite ocean of google searches and tags, writing them will have changed me.
And that’s the point: I procrastinate because in that moment I’m scared of what the reaction of the outside world will be to my actions, but what really matters is how I will be changed by doing them.
“I’m the one thing in life I can control” sings Aaron Burr. (And at this point, even if you hate musical theatre and hip hop, you really should listen to Hamilton. It’s a game changer. Trust me.) And that’s what I hold on to when I feel like giving up.
Everything else doesn’t matter. We can’t control what the world will think of us. But we can control what we put out there.
It’s not easy to stop being afraid, but focusing on ourselves helps a lot.